How Time Flies

Wow, my last post was October. Yikes! Well, I'd like to say given the new year, I'd vow to write more but I do believe this will be the busiest year of my life to date. But also, probably one of the best. At the end of this year, I will have received my teaching certificate. A goal that I have been trying to accomplish since I was 6 years old. I am beyond words with how ecstatic I am. Nonetheless, I will also be working my buns off trying to attain this goal. For the electives semester in the summer, one needs a 2.0 GPA in order to pass and graduate. Seems easy enough, right? Hmmm, maybe a bit too easy. This worries me. But I am not going to let those pesky little worrisome thoughts get the best of me....yet. I still have to survive this semester, which I feel is still ongoing thanks to the oodles of homework I've had on my so called "break". Plus I have been sick off and on, and now Isabel is also, which makes for us a perfect pair. But today she was perky and happy and was able to breathe out of her nose 90% of the day. But I am sad. Because on Monday, my little baby girl is going off to daycare. I kind of have a love/hate relationship with this whole daycare concept. I have been attached to Izzy for 11 and a half months STRAIGHT! No weekends or evening off. 24/7. Sure, I've had an afternoon, but really people, how can I miss ya if you don't go away? I need ME time, which may sound selfish, but I don't feel like I need to justify it. If Mommy's happy then everybody's happy. Kapiche? I'm looking forward to no more bending over, crawling around on the floor so my back can hopefully get better as well as the rest of my aging body. But at the same time, I won't be able to bend over and crawl around with her on the floor and play and be there for every single experience that she will have!!!!! This breaks my heart! For almost a year you nurture and give your heart and soul to this beautiful person, you ignore yourself in the process and then one day you hand her over, "Here you go!" for someone else to "raise" for the next year. WTF? Honestly, I couldn't be a stay at home mom. I do not have the sanity for it. I am a selfish person who needs quality alone time with myself. However, I also do not like the notion of working full time either, because I do want to be involved in my child's life, take them to games, spend quality time with them, blah blah blah. I need to work part time. I am lucky that a) I am entering a career that allows for job sharing and working part time as a teacher I will be making the same salary as I do fulltime as a CYC worker and b) am done my day at a reasonable time, have two weeks at Christmas off, a week in March and two months in the summer to spend with Isabel. So that's good. I won't be reaping any of those rewards this year, but most certainly next year. It's such a tug of war, and as far as women have come, we still lack a lot of choice. And punish ourselves for the choices that we've made. I am very fortunate that my career choice can be flexable for my wants and needs. It is funny though, how I wanted to be a teacher because it was what I wanted to do, but now I'm doing it for Isabel because I feel that it would be best for our family. How those values change when you have kids.